Breastfeeding – Is Money Really the Answer?

In light of the recent press coverage regarding giving financial incentives to encourage women to breastfeed, I’ve been thinking that monetary rewards are simply the wrong way to address the issue. With around half of all mothers in the UK not breast feeding at all by their 6 week check up, there must be better ways to promote breastfeeding while supporting new mums.

My oldest son was born in Dubai and I wasn’t pressurised to breastfeed at all. In fact I had to specifically tell the nurses at the hospital not to give my baby a bottle of formula! There was very little support available after his birth but thankfully he took to feeding with no problem and I carried on past the 12 week goal I’d set for myself. I was comfortable feeding him wherever and whenever I needed to as so many women there, of all nationalities, breast fed their babies.

We moved back to the UK when I was pregnant with my second son and it was a real eye opener for me. I planned on breastfeeding again as it had been straightforward for me first time around but I was definitely surprised by the difference in the attitudes of both health care professionals and other mums. In Dubai there was little or no pressure to breastfeed and yet most mums I knew chose to do it. Here in the UK there is incredible pressure (bottle feeding isn’t even discussed) and yet it seemed hardly anyone I knew was breastfeeding. I saw very few women feeding their children in public and I started to worry that I’d be stared at. I also heard horror stories of women being asked to cover up and leave cafes etc because they were offending people.

I was very lucky again and I had no problems breastfeeding second time around. It’s a good job really because after being discharged by the midwife I had very little support. The breast feeding advisers (who are supposed to check how you are doing) only sent me one text message. I didn’t even get a phone call or a visit, which I know is probably down to a lack of funding.

When my son was a couple of weeks old I got a nasty bout of mastitis which I managed to (painfully) feed through, aided by a strong dose of antibiotics. Afterwards my health visitor actually said to me ‘So what do you think you did that caused it? Was your bra to tight?’ Seriously, I could have punched her! How on earth is that helpful or supportive?

I did attend a ‘Baby Bistro’ morning for breastfeeding mums and although there were some lovely ladies there, I disagreed with a lot of what was said to new mums. Everybody was encouraged to feed on demand and it was stressed that routines just don’t work. I’m sorry but that is simply not true. While I don’t suggest a strict, minute by minute, Gina Ford style routine, my boys both fitted in loosely with EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, Your time). They were hungry boys (in the 95th percentile for their first year) so they fed every 3 hours but I certainly didn’t spend the whole time with a baby feeding. It also gave us a little bit of structure to our day. The health visitor didn’t agree and didn’t want me to share what worked for us. Guess what? Babies are all different and there is no one perfect way to raise them.

As for my concern about feeding in public, happily, there was no such problem. Sure, there weren’t many mums doing it but I never received so much as a sideways glance, a scowl or a negative comment from anybody.

I did however have a few issues with some other mums. Whenever it came up that I was breastfeeding anybody who wasn’t found the immediate need to explain to me exactly why they didn’t do it. Most were incredibly defensive and I think that is really sad. The huge pressure put on mums to breastfeed means women can be made to feel inferior if they bottle feed and then find it necessary to defend themselves. It’s an issue that has managed to turn women against women – at a time when you need all the support you can after having a baby!

I once walked into the baby clinic and a lady was bottle feeding her daughter. About ten minutes later I started feeding my son and the lady proceeded to whisper loudly to her friend that ‘urghh’ she could never do ‘that’ and that breastfeeding was selfish because it meant her husband wouldn’t have been able to feed the baby! Seriously, I would never have felt the need to comment on her bottle feeding and yet she thought it was acceptable to talk like this right next to me.

I think there is far too much pressure on mums. What is wrong with midwives saying to a mum-to-be, “Have you thought about how you’re going to feed your baby? Here are your options…” Discussing the pros and cons of breast and bottle feeding with each individual would surely help a mum decide what is best for her, and her baby. That way mums would be able to make an informed choice and hopefully be happy with the decision they come to. Pushing people so hard in one direction is bound to send some of them running the opposite way. If a mum doesn’t want to breast feed then offering her some vouchers after 6 months isn’t going to persuade her. So instead, how about using that money to help support those who are breastfeeding and struggling with it instead? The proposed new voucher scheme must feel like a real slap in the face for those who want to try to breastfeed but, for whatever reason, can’t.

So, maybe we could all ease off a little bit? How about giving mums all the information they need so they can make practical choices about feeding their baby. Maybe we could even try to be a bit less judgemental and a bit more supportive of each other. And instead of offering financial incentives as encouragement to mums, how about using that money to improve the after care and support given to those women who want to breastfeed, regardless of their outcome at 6 months?

The School Run

This morning was the first day back at school after half term and the short walk to drop off my five year old once again left me exasperated. It seems every journey leaves me feeling more and more frustrated by the selfish attitude of so many of the parents at my son’s school. From dangerous parking to driving too fast, are the days of considering others a thing of the past?

Our walk to school only takes about five minutes and should be a nice pleasant stroll down a quiet residential street. However, we live in a village and lots of the children live too far away to walk so there are always lots of cars around in the mornings. On a regular basis we see somebody (having already dropped their child off safely) driving away from school at break neck speed. They are clearly in such a desperate rush to get on with their day that they are oblivious to the safety of anybody else.

This morning one of those drivers bombed along the road and straight through a huge puddle, sending a giant wave of water across the whole pavement. My 5 year old only managed to leap out of the way and avoid a complete drenching because he’s used watching out for these idiot motorists. The driver either didn’t notice us or wasn’t bothered in the slightest, he simply sped away. Is there any need to drive so quickly or recklessly?

When we get near to school I have to navigate the pushchair through a maze of cars parked up on the pavements. I can usually only walk on one side of the road, the other side has cars parked so far onto the pavement that I can’t fit the pushchair through the gap. Cars also park on the corners of the road making it difficult to cross safely and some people even block the dropped curb at the crossing points. I’m sure these parents would argue that they’re only parked there for a minute or two but is it really such a hardship to park a few more metres away? Although it can be difficult for me to manoeuvre the push chair I really feel for one of the Dads at school, he uses a mobility scooter and some days it is just impossible for him to get to the gate.

Once we arrive at the gate there is often a group of parents having a chat – no problem with that of course – except they stand right in the gate way and then look surprised when you say ‘excuse me’ and they have to move. For many of them it can’t be that long since they used a push chair and yet they seem annoyed at having to interrupt their conversation and move. Recently the pushchair actually tipped right up as I had to bump it down a curb to squeeze past; my 18 month was only saved from a tumble by his harness!

So, when did we become so selfish and wrapped up in our own lives that we stopped considering others? The school regularly reminds parents to drive slowly and park safely but for many it seems this message never sinks in. Are people in such a hurry that it doesn’t matter if they soak a Mum and her children walking along? Are conversations so important that we don’t even notice someone trying to get past in a wheelchair, or worse still roll our eyes when we have to move? I like to think that I’m considerate of others and that I’m raising my boys to be the same but perhaps we all need to open our eyes a little wider and start noticing the people around us again.