My 5 year old casually uttered these four words to me while he was sat in the bath last week. I can’t deny it, I was absolutely devastated. Despite Mr C’s quick reprimand, L was completely oblivious to how heartbreaking I found his off hand statement and I (somewhat ridiculously) had to fight back my tears.
My sensible head knows that L loves me and as a 5 year old of course he likes Daddy best. Mummy is the one who makes him eat his vegetables, stops him picking his nose, makes him get dressed for school, reminds him about homework and hounds him about his spellings. (I’m desperately trying to avoid using the word ”nag” here!) Daddy takes him swimming, reads Harry Potter at bed time and is teaching him all about the magical world of football. I am responsible for the everyday, mundane tasks and discipline; Daddy is fun.
L has been a real Daddy’s boy for the last few months. He hates Mr C leaving for work in the mornings, even blocking the front door to delay him going. He gets tearful and grumpy if he doesn’t make it home before bed time and wants to go everywhere with him at the weekend – even the supermarket! He much prefers to do things with his Daddy at the moment and it’s lovely to see them together.
Four Little Words
Still, when he told me that he liked Daddy best, I struggled to control my emotions. All I could think was “Everything I do is for you, every single decision I make revolves around you and I love you more than anything… How could you like someone else more than me???”. My heart was broken.
My (nearly) 2 year old is the complete opposite and still wants his Mummy to do everything for him. Of course that’s down to his age but I’m feeling particularly grateful for it right now; at least one of them still needs me! Watching my boys growing up is so much harder than I expected and knowing that L can (and will) choose other people over me is something I’m going to have to learn to handle. I guess it’s the first step in letting go, and I’m definitely not ready for that yet!
So, I’m making the most of the cuddles he gives me and relishing every unprompted ”I love you” I hear from him. As difficult as those four words were to hear (I won’t be repeating them again) I know that he loves me, regardless of which one of us he likes best this week.